By Amanda Stemen, MS, LCSW

Life all over the world has changed pretty darn drastically. Almost overnight. In challenging times like these, distressing thoughts and emotions can spread even more rapidly than a virus itself. 

It’s easy to get caught up in fear, anger, disappointment, confusion, sadness, hopelessness, and helplessness. Especially when we have extra time on our hands. Which many do now. 

It’s also easier to have more positive thoughts and feelings when things are going well. When we get what we want. When things go according to plan. When we get that romantic partner, raise, family, house, last orange popsicle in the box. 

But life doesn’t always go according to plan. We don’t always get what we want. We can’t control everything. Or much of anything really. Life is always unpredictable.

In those moments we forget that there’s also always good. There’s always grace. There’s always opportunity. Even when it’s darkest.  

This is when being mindful and practicing gratitude is crucial. 

Gratitude doesn’t judge. Gratitude sees all that is for what it is and says thank you. Because it doesn’t know if something is good or bad or how it’s going to play out. Gratitude simply says thank you for life even when it doesn’t look the way we’d planned or hoped for. Gratitude is love.  

This week the bf and I were supposed to travel to across the seas. We’d already postponed this trip several times due to work so were beyond looking forward to it. But alas, foiled again!

We were certainly disappointed. There were the “That’s not fairs!” But having made gratitude a more intentional practice in my life, disappointment quickly shifted. If my biggest problem at the moment is not being able to take a trip (That and where to find toilet paper!), then I’m doing pretty damn well in life. 

In this incredibly turbulent and uncertain time, I’ve found even more to be grateful for. 

We often take daily life and it’s pleasures for granted. The ability to go to a grocery store whenever we want and buy whatever we want. Gather together with friends and break bread (Or sip on some cocktails.). Go to the movies. Go to a concert. Workout at a gym. Hop on a plane and cross a border. 

In actuality, well before shelter at home, there were plenty of people who didn’t have access to these simple pleasures. They don’t have the money or time. Or simply were forbidden. Those living paycheck to paycheck or who have no income are often limited in what they can do. Plenty of people live in places where many of these things aren’t even available or allowed. 

Those of us who usually have access to these luxuries can feel grateful that this is probably just a temporary break and we’ll be able to return to them once this crisis is averted. That is something to be incredibly grateful for.

And in the meantime, we have to find whatever opportunities and gratitude exist in this so we don’t lose our minds. 

If you still have a job and are able to work from home, be grateful for your income and safety. If you have to be on the frontline, thank you more than I can say and I hope that you find meaning and comfort in being able to help others during a really tough time. Also, that someday your work is as financially appreciated as a professional athlete. If you’ve lost your job, I know you’re scared, but we’re all in this together. We really are. As an entire society we have to figure this out together for everyone. Try to trust in that and be grateful that there are quite a lot of people who do care about you. And if you’re really wanting to test the power of gratitude, maybe be grateful for this surprise vacation? 

If you’re riding out the virus with a roof over your head, be grateful for that. And heat. And warm water. Or any clean water. Having enough food to eat. The opportunity to cook more. I know more than a few of you had that as a New Year’s resolution! Wine to drink when it gets to be a bit much. Or hot chocolate if it’s cold out or you don’t drink alcohol. Chocolate in general. The fact that many of us can order groceries online to be delivered is something to be grateful for.  

If you have other people living in your home that you like, be grateful for that. Be grateful for the opportunity to connect on another level. To be really present with one another. To do things together that you’ve been wanting to forever. And if they’re driving you crazy (In a healthy way.) be grateful you have people who are driving you crazy. Savor those hugs, kisses, and rough housing. 

If you live alone and aren’t having any physical contact with anyone, I know that can be lonely and isolating. Try to be grateful that you aren’t trapped in an abusive or uncomfortable living situation. Find gratitude for the space to have more quiet and go within. I know introverts are probably about as stoked as you can be given the circumstances!

Be grateful for the loved ones that are so far safe and healthy even if you can’t touch them. And the opportunity that you’re able to contribute to safety by not having contact with them. Be grateful that we live in a time that we can communicate virtually. Imagine doing this in the beginning of the 20th century!

And be grateful for time. One of the biggest complaints I hear from people is they don’t have enough time to do all the things they want. Some of those things have be possible from home. Maybe you’ve wanted to spend more quality time with your family. Or read. Or finish a project.  Time is a gift no matter how we’re given it.

Gratitude, in and of itself, isn’t necessarily going to fix this situation.

But it can really help our attitudes and influence how we show up for ourselves and others. I also know it can be hard and you should feel all those other feelings too. But try not to get stuck in them. Try to make the best of a situation we’re all in because we’re all dealing with it together and everyone needs to be operating at full capacity.