By Amanda Stemen, MS, LCSW

Oh man, fear can be a beast! It can get right on in there, take over, and control everything. If we let it.

Fear is our most primal emotion. Absolutely necessary for survival. Yet, we live in a time when there’s actually the least amount of threat to our survival in history. Still we experience the highest levels of fear and stress. 

It might seem strange to say we’re facing the least amount of threat given current circumstances. There most certainly is a threat to our survival! 

Maybe. Maybe not. 

The problem with how we now experience fear, given that we don’t have to hunt and gather to live, isn’t so much so much fear due to an immediate, direct threat, but rather the unknown. 

The reality is we don’t yet know enough about this coronavirus, COVID-19, to know exactly how this will play out. Even the experts don’t. 

We know patterns based on similar viruses and outbreaks, as well as what we’ve seen so far with this one. We can make predictions, but it will only be predictions because we aren’t fortune tellers.  Even the smartest, most knowledgeable can’t actually know what will happen in the future (If we’re straight up looking at science here.). Some people will guess right. Hopefully they’re the ones we’re making decisions based off of. But plenty will guess wrong too. 

That’s why so many are currently afraid. We have no freaking idea what’s going to happen. We don’t know if we’ll get sick or worse. We don’t know if our loved ones will get sick or worse. Even if we stay healthy, we don’t know how we’ll manage being around the same dang people 24-7! We don’t know if we’ll lose our minds from boredom. And we don’t know how long it will be until life returns back to “normal.” Maybe it never will. Maybe that’s even a positive thing depending on how all this plays out. 

This virus is tricky in terms of fear. For one, at this point it doesn’t seem as though the vast majority of people will be directly affected in any serious way. So the fight or flight response that fear is intended to elicit for our protection is mostly useless. That response is only useful in the immediate moment to take immediate action to protect ourselves (Think hungry lion bearing down on you.). 

Given that this is a more long term potential threat, prolonged fear related to that can actually turn from being protective to potentially causing more issues than the virus itself. Long term stress negatively impacts our mental, physical, and cognitive health and is directly linked to 9 of the top 10 causes of death. It weakens our immune system, the very thing we need to be strong to fight off viruses and illness overall. 

Now I won’t say, “Just relax,” or “Don’t worry.” I get it. You’re scared. Whether it’s justified or unjustified, it doesn’t really matter. Fear is fear and if you’re feeling it, you’re feeling it. Me telling you to stop feeling that won’t make it go away. 

And having some fear at this time may be very helpful in dealing with this situation. It will motivate us to take action for the greater good and hopefully mitigate the potential threat that has people so worried.  

The thing is, if there isn’t a direct threat and fear is taking over your life in an unhelpful way, then you have to handle it. And here is exactly how to handle it mindfully: 

1. Feel the fear. All those uncomfortable physical sensations. The knot in your throat. The tightening in your chest. The butterflies in your stomach. The heat in your body. Set a timer for 2 minutes. If you’re fully present, feeling those pesky physical sensations, it’s physiologically impossible to hold onto the same sensations for much longer than that. Notice how those sensations shift over that time. Often you’ll feel them lessening. Unless you get back into your head and your thoughts spiral. It’s those spiraling thoughts that actually perpetuate the fear and anxiety. 

2. Check the facts of the situation. Is the fear justified? Is there is an immediate threat to your life or that of someone you care about, an immediate threat to your health or that of someone you care about, or an immediate threat to your well-being or that of someone you care about. And be honest here. Simply having to stay mostly or entirely home for a couple of weeks or even months is probably not an actual threat to your well-being. You might think it is, but simply feeling discomfort doesn’t equal threat to well-being. You may just need to figure out some new ways to take care of yourself and those around you. 

3. Act opposite to your urge to run away or avoid. This might seem ironic given that we’re being advised to do just this. Hide out in our homes until the threat passes. Now I’m not advocating that anyone disobey that advice because again, we don’t know how much of an actual threat this is and to whom it’s a threat. But we can act opposite in our own small ways at home as a way to bring our fear down.

   A. Do what you are afraid of doing . . . OVER AND OVER. In this case that means staying home (mostly) and facing the other fears that come along with this, boredom, job and/or financial loss, growing tired of or fighting with your partner, children, roommates, etc. I imagine at this point most of our fears aren’t actually about contracting the virus. That might include feeling the fear over and over too.

   B. Be mindful of the situation. Accept that everything is what it is at the moment. Don’t overdose on information because that can have the opposite effect of creating more fear, especially depending upon your sources. Take in the facts. Those things you can actually see, taste, touch, smell, and hear. Get your information from scientific and verified sources. Layperson opinions are not helpful in reducing fear. Notice that you’re safe when you’re safe.

   C. Do things to give yourself a sense of control and mastery over your fears. Look for the opportunities in the challenges you’re facing. Practice gratitude. Learn something new or practice something you want to be more skilled at. Be present and really connect with those who are around you.

   D. Change your brain through your body. Adjust your posture to a more powerful pose (Shoulders back, taking up space, palms open, eyes up.) and keep a confident voice tone. Change your body chemistry. Paced breathing, by breathing in deeply and breathing out slowly, helps with this. Fake it til you make it works because changing your body’s position literally changes your brain.

None of this is easy. But it’s worth it if you keep at it. As long as you’re alive you still have a life to live and you get to choose how you live it.