One major thing this Coronavirus pandemic has called our attention to, is how little control we actually have in life. This has been and always will be the case. Viruses and other threats to our well-being have always existed and will always exist. I don’t mean to create even more anxiety by saying this, but we’re all about the facing the truth here. Even when it’s not a truth we like.

Of course, it’s a lot easier to not think about all that when there isn’t an immediate threat. And it's certainly a lot easier to distract ourselves from the truth when there are more distractions. Since COVID took away so many of our regular distractions, people have gone bananas! And I can’t blame anyone. Coming face-to-face with reality and ourselves can be quite a painful process.

“One major thing this Coronavirus pandemic has called our attention to, is how little control we actually have in life.”

And it has been a scary time. There’s fear of catching the virus. Fear of loved ones catching it. Fear of giving the virus to someone else. Fear of losing a job. Fear after losing a job. Fear of freedom being taken away. But fear is rarely based in the reality of the moment. So we're not actually seeing things for what they are.

*Avoidance is a common way to cope with a reality we don’t like.*

When faced with a reality we don’t like, many of us do whatever we can to avoid it. And ourselves. We try to seize control wherever and however we can, without realizing the only thing we ever actually have any control over is ourselves and our response to situations.

Instead of going within to figure out what’s really going on for us and what we can control, many of us act out in an attempt to regain some semblance of control. We’ll lash out at others, distance ourselves, or turn to whatever distractions we might still have left, tv, alcohol, other drugs, food. We’ll act selfishly. All in the name of what we think is individual freedom, when, actually that's the opposite of true freedom.

We would all be a lot more free if we could let go of the illusion of control, accept what is, be present for it, and work with what we’ve got. That isn’t to say we have to like things the way they are or can’t make changes to move toward something we’d prefer more, but before you can do that, you have to accept what is. If you don’t you’ll remain stuck like a hamster in its wheel, moving, but not actually getting anywhere.

“That isn’t to say we have to like things the way they are”

It’s no coincidence that during this time many important social issues have gotten a lot more attention. Without distraction, we’re all starting to see things much more clearly. Even those who are in denial, fighting it tooth and nail, trying to control others rather than themselves, see it. Even if their response is based in fear.

Change is difficult. But... those who are willing to face the fear and go within, are able to change with the times, making mindful choices that best support themselves and all of humanity.

*Distraction can be helpful to a point, but too much distraction becomes avoidance and problems get worse.*

This isn’t easy. We all struggle to face reality to some extent. And there are times when that’s helpful, but as we continue to navigate life with COVID-19, we need to be more present. So how do we do that during something so difficult?

Sit with your emotions.

Not literally. Unless you’re already sitting. By sit, I just mean experience whatever emotions come up when they come up. No matter how uncomfortable they are. Fear, anger, sadness, guilt, none of these are particularly fun, but if they’re there, you may as well deal with them. Because they won’t go away unless you do. Feel the physical sensations that tell you you’re having an emotion. Name the emotion. If you feel your feelings, they’ll shift and change, as everything in life does. If you ignore them or push them away, they’ll just get louder and more uncomfortable. Because they’re trying to get your attention, to give you important information.

Pay attention to your thoughts.

No matter what they might be. Notice them, try not to judge them, and let them pass on by. Like clouds in the sky. Same as with your emotions, try not to push them away, but also don’t get caught up in them. Thoughts are just thoughts. They aren’t necessarily true. So try not to make them any bigger than they already are or let them take over. Again, a thought is just a thought.

Look at the facts of what’s happening around you.

*Pay attention to the world around you and within you.*

Both in your own personal experience and in the overall world. I know there’s some debate as to what facts are these days, but just to clarify, a fact is a piece of information based in objective reality. And objective means what can be observed using your five senses, sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, what we’re experiencing inside of ourselves in terms of thoughts and feelings, and also, the who, what, where, and when of a situation.

Sure, our interpretations may differ, but the facts are always facts. And sometimes facts change as we learn more and time goes on, because the only constant in life is change. So don’t get your panties all in a bunch if a fact evolves or is eventually proven wrong. This is the scientific process, whether we like it or not. And it’s playing out in real time right in front of us, which most of us have never experienced before. Look at the new facts and adjust to that information.

I get that doing this work can be tedious and confusing, but posting mindless unchecked memes or factoids isn’t doing any of us any good. Also, BOTH, trust the experts because you can’t know everything AND ask questions if you don’t understand something or things aren’t adding up until you’re able to figure out what the facts are. You are your own personal detective.

“I know there’s some debate as to what facts are these days, but just to clarify, a fact is a piece of information based in objective reality.”

Use this information to proceed forward.

The information gathered from paying attention to your feelings, thoughts, and the facts help you make mindful choices about how to proceed forward. Few decisions, especially right now, are entirely black and white. There’s whole lot of gray. But taking the above into account, your morals and values, and those around you, you’ll have a better idea of what to do. Trust your gut.

Don’t judge yourself or others.

This is hard, believe me, I know, especially when you see people making very different decisions from you. But you can’t always know why they’re doing what they’re doing. They may not know why they’re doing what they’re doing. You might not have all the facts. They might not have all the facts. Probably none of us have all the facts. You can certainly disagree with others and having open discussions about those disagreements should be done, but judgment only gets in the way of understanding one another and moving forward together. And like it or not, we are all in this together, even with a vaccine and things opening up more and more, so let’s let mindfulness bring us together.

What else helps you to relax during stressful times?