In DBT mindfulness, being nonjudgmental means noticing our thoughts and emotions without labeling them as good or bad—like a judge who sets down the gavel and simply observes.
Now onto the “how” of mindfulness. As I shared earlier in this series, DBT Mindfulness has two main components: What you do (Observe, Describe, Participate), and How you do it (Nonjudgmentally, One-Mindfully, Effectively). We’ve made it through the What skills, now it’s time to dive into the How skills, starting with the real heavy-hitter: being nonjudgmental.
Let’s be honest, this one can feel like trying to do yoga on a paddleboard in choppy water. Wobbly at best. But no problem! Nonjudgmental mindfulness is a practice, not a personality trait. And in a world that runs on Yelp reviews, Instagram likes, and unsolicited hot takes, cultivating a judgment-free zone inside your own mind is pretty revolutionary.
Why Is Nonjudgmental Mindfulness So Hard?
Our paleolithic brains are wired to judge. It's how we survived, quickly deciding what's safe, what's threatening, what's dinner, and who might make us dinner. But in modern life, this judgment tends to sneak into our thoughts like, “Ugh, I shouldn’t feel this way,” “That person sucks,” or “That was so stupid of me.”
I imagine my judgmental face looks kinda like this. Practicing mindfulness nonjudgmentally invites us to relax this face and notice judgmental thoughts with curiosity instead of more judgment.
Practicing being nonjudgmental helps us respond to life with greater clarity, peace, and emotional regulation. Instead of spiraling into self-criticism or snap judgments and reactions, we learn to say: “Hmm. This is what’s happening. Not good or bad, just what is.”
So How Do You Actually Become Nonjudgmental?
Here are some tips that are more practical than preachy:
Stick to the Facts
Notice what’s happening, but ditch the labels. “It’s raining” is a fact. “Ugh, this weather is the worst” is a judgment. One keeps you grounded and ready to tackle the challenge at hand, the other usually leads to a bad mood and frizzy hair complaints.
Accept Each Moment as It Is
Like the earth welcoming rain and sunshine without preference, try to let the present moment be. That doesn’t mean you love every second of it or that you shouldn’t work toward change, but accepting reality as it is, rather than wrestling it into how you wish it was, is actually far more helpful in creating lasting change when that’s called for.
Preference ≠ Judgment
Having preferences? Totally fine. Go for it. Wanting to feel happy, be warm, or avoid traffic isn’t the problem. It’s when we make it bad to feel sad, or wrong to be stuck, that we suffer unnecessarily. Feedback and discernment? Awesome. Harsh internal Yelp reviews? Not helpful.
Real-Life Example: School (or Work) Assignments
With arms open to the sky, we embody the heart of DBT mindfulness, letting go of judgment and embracing each moment as it is.
Getting a “C” on a test doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you missed some material. That’s feedback. Saying you “did bad” or “aren’t smart” is judgment—and that emotional weight can block learning more than any missed question.
Don’t Judge Your Judging
Let’s say you notice yourself judging. First instinct? “Ugh, I’m so judgmental, what’s wrong with me?” See what just happened there?
Instead, try: “Oh, there’s a judgmental thought, thanks for sharing.” That’s it. No shame spiral needed.
How to Practice Being Nonjudgmental
Name it: When you notice a judgment, simply think, “That’s a judgment.” That gently turns the volume down on your inner critic.
Track it: Use a wristband or pocket stones, switching sides every time you notice a judgment. You’ll start noticing patterns, and awareness is half the battle.
Reframe it: Replace judgments with descriptive, sensory-based language.
“He’s lazy” → “He didn’t take the trash out.”
“I’m a mess” → “I’m feeling overwhelmed and haven’t showered today.”
Use your senses: Stick to what you can see, hear, touch, taste, or smell. Judgments live in our interpretations, not our senses.
Adjust your body language: Soften your face, relax your jaw, drop your shoulders. Sometimes, physically shifting your body can change your internal tone.
While comedy thrives on exaggeration (and can be done mindfully), DBT’s mindfulness skill of “describing” teaches us to stick to the facts—what we observe, not the stories we spin.
6. Share a story, factually: Try telling a recent event to a friend using only observable facts. No embellishment, no assumptions. It's weirdly freeing. Maybe not as fun as standup comedy, but this is practice. The standup or larger-than-life story telling can be done later, and mindfully, too!
7. Write it out: Journal a recent emotional experience, describing only what your senses picked up and what you felt. No shoulds, what ifs, or why’s. Only what happened.
8. Walk a mile in their shoes: Think of someone you're judging harshly. Imagine their background, fears, hopes, and point of view. It won’t erase accountability, but it can grow your empathy and understanding, as well as give you clues as to how to move forward.
TLDR – A Judgment-Free Recap
Being nonjudgmental isn’t about being passive and letting people walk all over you, or never making choices. It’s about letting go of the knee-jerk labeling and tuning in to what’s really happening. With practice, you’ll find more peace, more emotional flexibility, less time spent arguing with reality, and wiser choices moving forward.
And hey, if you judge yourself for judging? That’s okay too. Just notice it, smile, and keep practicing. You’re doing just fine. I judged myself more than once while writing this, so we’re all in this together.
Written by Amanda Stemen, MS, LCSW