We’re all human. (Or, if you're not human and reading this, holla! We’re all living beings.) And to be human (and alive) is to make mistakes. That's perfectly okay. However, in our society, mistakes are often met with judgment. If you've grown up with judgment from others (who hasn't?), it’s easy to internalize this and start judging ourselves and others as well. With judgment comes shame—the fear of being excluded from the group. While this may have been a life-or-death issue when we were all hunters and gatherers, it’s more emotionally painful in our modern times.
In reality, a “mistake” is simply something not going the way we thought it would. As human beings, we have a natural tendency to try to control things in order to manage uncertainty. But the truth is, life is uncertain, and judgment is simply an attempt to avoid that. It’s saying we want things and people to be something other than they are. While it’s natural, judgment isn’t helpful. In fact, it causes suffering, disconnects us from reality and others, and prevents us from addressing the situation at hand.
When we shift from judgment to a growth mindset, we become more peaceful, happier, and ironically, we feel more in control because we’ve let go of what we can’t control and focused on what we can.
Of course, making this shift isn’t easy, but it is possible. Below are practical tips for practicing non-judgment and fostering a growth mindset:
1. Notice the Judgment
Black and white thinking misses the nuance of situations.
Judgment often takes the form of labeling things, situations, or people as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong,” or engaging in some form of black-and-white thinking. While it’s tough to accept, life often operates in the gray. Even individuals who have committed universally horrific acts may have done things that were beneficial, or in many cases, there's a medical explanation for their behavior. Also, our definitions of good and bad vary based on personal values. Black-and-white labels are problematic because they don’t offer enough information to help us move forward. Instead, they leave us stuck in feelings that may or may not be helpful.
2. Acknowledge the Judgment
Acknowledge the judgment as soon as you recognize it. Try saying, “I notice a judgmental thought in my mind,” or simply say the word, “Judgment.” This is the first step toward accepting reality.
3. Replace Judgment with Non-Judgmental Thoughts
Start shifting your mindset by replacing judgment with non-judgmental observations. Here’s how:
Describe the facts
Focus on the observable facts of a situation and its consequences. Stick to what you can see, hear, and feel. If you have a “feeling” outside the five senses, be mindful to evaluate whether it’s grounded in something factual.
Channel your inner detective when describing.
Describe your emotions
Instead of labeling feelings as good or bad, simply describe how you feel in response to the facts. “I feel like you’re a jerk” is a judgmental thought, whereas “I feel sad when you’re on your phone while I’m talking to you” is a non-judgmental description.
Assess without judgment
It's helpful to discern and evaluate situations (for example, asking “What’s safe or dangerous?”, “What’s helpful or harmful?”, or “What do I prefer?”), but remember that this isn’t the same as judgment. While judgments often hold us back, discerning and assessing help us move forward.
4. Observe and Change Judgmental Body Language
Judgmental body language—like tense posture, furrowed brows, or a sharp tone of voice—only reinforces the cycle of judgment. Relax your muscles, take deep breaths, soften your tone, and open your body language (extend arms and hands outward and upward). A half-smile can also help create a more positive atmosphere.
5. Write or Share a Non-Judgmental Description
Start by writing or speaking about an experience from a neutral perspective. This can be challenging, but treat it like a scientist or detective gathering facts. Focus on what happened, the who, what, where, and when as observed by the five senses, not on opinions or emotions. Once you’re clear on the facts, you can reflect on them in a non-judgmental way.
6. Feel Strong Emotions Without Reacting
Pause to allow space for feeling and accepting.
It’s natural to feel strong emotions, but reacting to them without reflection can lead to unnecessary judgments. Practice feeling emotions without immediately acting on them. This takes mindfulness practice and patience, but it’s a key aspect of emotional regulation.
7. Accept Each Moment as It Is
Accepting reality doesn’t mean agreeing with or liking a situation—it means acknowledging what is happening right now, without judgment. Acceptance opens the door to change, growth, and forward momentum. Acknowledge your feelings, emotions, values, and desires without attaching judgment to them. This is a crucial step in developing emotional resilience.
8. Don’t Judge Your Judging
When you catch yourself judging, the worst thing you can do is judge yourself for it. This only perpetuates the cycle and can lead to shame spirals. Instead, practice self-compassion and remember that judgment is a natural human tendency. The goal is not to eliminate judgment but to become more aware of it and to move from judgment to understanding.
9. Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation
Loving-kindness meditation is a powerful tool for cultivating compassion, both for yourself and others. When you feel judgment toward someone, try to put yourself in their shoes. Consider their thoughts, emotions, fears, and history. This practice can deepen your understanding and foster empathy.
Final Thoughts
An open mind is the key to creativity, innovation, and connection.
Being non-judgmental is not about avoiding opinions or refraining from making decisions—it’s about adopting an open, growth-oriented mindset. Understanding that life is fluid and full of uncertainties allows us to be more compassionate and less rigid in our thinking. By practicing non-judgment, acceptance, and mindfulness, we open the door to deeper personal growth, better relationships, and a more positive life experience.
Remember, being nonjudgmental doesn't mean you have to agree with or like everything. It means you’re willing to face reality as it is, which is the first step toward creating a future that aligns more closely with your values and desires.
Written by Amanda Stemen, MS, LCSW