So the plan is: graduate college, get a good job, marry the love of your life, have a family, go on some fun vacations, and retire in comfort... Or eff school, travel the world, start your own company, don't have children, and never really retire because you love projects... Or find a cure for cancer, remain a bachelor/bachelorette, and live alone in the woods... Or any other infinite combinations of dreams that we dare to have.
Only problem is wrenches get thrown in. We flunk out of college, never quite find “the one,” find “the one” much later than expected and can’t have a baby, meet “the one” in Tanzania, lose our retirement fund to a bad investment, our woods are turned into a shopping mall... It’s guaranteed that at least one point in life we’ll encounter a roadblock and it’s how we react to that roadblock that will make or break us for the rest of it (or at least until the next roadblock).
When this happens we can fall to the floor kicking and screaming. And then stay there for years, maybe forever. We can quietly resign ourselves to a life of mediocrity. We can vow to never dream again. We can continue to persist toward a dream that may not actually be a proper fit. Or we can do the following:
Accept...
That which is. Really you can’t do anything else until you do this. Acceptance doesn’t mean you roll over and just take whatever is handed to you but it does mean you acknowledge that at least in this moment this is objectively what is. You don’t judge, you don’t bemoan, and if you do either of those then you accept that too.
Feel...
Those gosh darn feelings. I mean really feel them. The sadness of loss. The anger of the roadblock. The fear of being stuck. The excitement of a blank slate (Hey, it doesn’t all have to be bad.). They won't go away until you do.
Silence...
However you have to do it find some inner stillness, peace if you will. The space where true wisdom exists. Sit cross legged or hike a mountain or swim or do the dishes, whatever it takes to quiet that loudmouthed mind of yours. Ask that space for guidance on what to do next. Then continue with the stillness (Intermixed with some temper tantrums because those g. d. feelings will surely find a way to sneak right back in when you’re sure you said your goodbyes.) until you receive answers. And stay right there when you receive the answers because they might not be quite what you expected. Or they might. Either way you'll know when you know.
Recommit...
To the dream. There might be another route to it. Try that route. And another and another if necessary. Or it might be time to commit to a new dream. Sometimes the dream no longer fits. This isn’t the same as giving up. If you’ve spent five years trying to become a rock singer and your voice still can’t tune itself (even with far too many voice lessons) it might be time to explore the possibility that rock star isn’t your calling. But something else certainly is. Sometimes we even find out we've pursued dreams (or an entire life) that aren’t even ours in the first place. We owe it to ourselves and the world to pursue our own grandest dreams.
Now this isn’t a straightforward process. We often bounce around between these steps until we find our way. Then we encounter another fun roadblock but if we can look at these roadblocks more as opportunities to fine tune our legacies we’ll discover that we wind up with a life far more rewarding than we could have ever imagined had we only followed the initial plan.