We often think of mindfulness as only focusing on exactly what’s happening in the present moment. However, the definition that’s used in mindfulness research is “the self-regulation of attention with an attitude of curiosity, openness, and acceptance.” This is helpful because at times it’s necessary for our attention to be focused on the past and/or preparing for the future. If we never reflect on our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and experiences, we’d never learn from them. And if we never thought about our hopes, dreams, and plans for the future we’d have nothing to live for.

While I regularly reflect, this time of year always lends itself to a much deeper period of reflection thanks to my birthday and the impending new year. Reflection has become very important to me as I attempt to live a more conscious and present life.

Reflection isn’t always fun. It means getting brutally honest with ourselves. Taking a good, hard look at the good, the bad, and the ugly. Owning all of it. Many will avoid this at all costs. People lose relationships, jobs, even their life out of the fear of having to face themselves. I certainly don’t like it any more than the next person, but I spent far too many years letting things happen to me and not fully experiencing all of my moments. Choosing to really live life requires self-reflection.

Through trial and error, I’ve learned some tricks to make it a more regular practice in my life:

Make the Time

Life can get busy. I try to meditate and free write each day, preferably in the morning, to assist in the self-reflection process, but life happens. Sometimes life happens so much it isn’t possible. On those days I create space where and when I can. It might be in the car. When I’ve had days that are just a little too much, I love nothing else than to drive in silence, trying to reflect upon myself rather than zoning out. Often the shower is great for reflecting because what else do you have to do in there? Basic chores that don’t require much concentration are good moments to reflect. And often I’ll reflect while walking the dog, running, surfing, hiking, any solo physical activity. I don’t exercise with headphones for this purpose (And because I can’t keep them in my ears.).

Be in Silence

Reflection feeds off of silence. This might be why so many are afraid of silence. There’s a noise epidemic in our society. It’s rare to go anywhere without background noise. There’s tv or music playing in nearly every public space. When we’re alone we almost always have that going too. Of course, there’s a time and place for entertainment, but when it’s constant we’re using it to distract ourselves. Which works for awhile. Yet, there’s always this underlying discomfort that we can never quite distract ourselves from. And when we face it head on it will ease itself.

I’ve already mentioned that I often seek quiet through meditation and while driving and exercising. Some other great ways to get comfortable with silence is going to nature. Of course, there are birds singing and the wind blowing, but that’s a different kind of sound that eases our discomfort while not distracting us from ourselves. Don’t immediately turn the tv, radio, smart device, computer, etc. on when you get home. You can start with one single minute and increase that time as you become more used to the silence.

Notice Thoughts and Feelings

Pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. Try not to get stuck on any one thing, but also ask yourself questions to facilitate the process. One of my favorites is, “Does this serve my highest good?” Then, listen for the response. The response might not show up immediately. Just know that the answers will come and if you’re as present as possible in your life you’ll know when it does. Also, know that the answers might not always be what you want them to be.

As I strive to lead a more intentional and simple life in a large, active city, my reflection often leads to tough decisions. Reflection makes sure we cut through the BS. Then, it’s in our face no longer willing to be ignored. The more aware I become, the easier it is to know the right thing to do to live my most authentic life.

Taking Action

Yet, taking action based on our values and how we want to live our lives for ourselves is rarely easy. We’re constantly surrounded by outside influences, our loved ones, our not loved ones, media, culture. We’re bombarded by subtle and not so subtle messages about how to best live our lives. It’s hard not to absorb them and often we don’t even realize they aren’t our own values and priorities.

So when we reflect and our values and priorities become large, blinking, neon signs, we have to take action and quickly. Mindful action solidifies what we’ve learned about ourselves and creates new, healthier habits. This means saying no, getting rid of distractions and negative influences, not always taking the easy way out. Reflection means letting go of all that no longer serves us so that we are more aligned with our true selves. It also means adding meaningful relationships, things, and experiences to our lives if they don’t already exist. This requires taking leaps of faith. While letting go and taking chances are difficult, when we do just that we begin to experience more peace, confidence, and happiness. That makes the discomfort of self-reflection entirely worth it.