Mindfulness IRL
So if emotions are SO useful, why have they gotten such a bad rap?
Well... to begin with they feel pretty freakin’ uncomfortable. As humans, we do whatever we can to avoid pain, which can be useful to our health and safety. It keeps us alive. But avoiding all discomfort can cause other problems.
We need the information that our emotions are communicating to us to have clarity, make useful decisions, and lead fulfilling lives.
Something I didn’t address in my mindfulness of others post is how to be mindful when someone is being a real a-hole.
Now I know we’ve all had those moments.
When people aren’t willing to be mindful of us.
If we want healthy relationships with people, we have to practice mindfulness in our interactions with them, just as we would in all other areas of life. Deep down, we all just want to be loved and understood, and being mindful of others is how we’re able to both give and receive that love and understanding.
When most people hear the word mindfulness, they automatically think of meditation, which is one form of mindfulness. They also think that meditation is sitting incredibly still and incredibly silent. While that is a traditional seated meditation practice, meditation can be practiced in other ways too.
Mindfulness will definitely lead to all kinds of “good” stuff, but (And you knew there was going to be a but.) being mindful also means that you’re fully aware of and present for EVERYTHING that’s going on in our life. And life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes it’s painful, frustrating, and downright uncomfortable.
Now you’re at the part of your mindfulness journey where you get that it means being fully in the present moment (If you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about, check this article out first before continuing.). But now you might be wondering, well, that sounds all fine and dandy, but why spend the time trying to do that?
In the last week a lot of people have given some extra thought to death. And to life. Neither of which the average person thinks much about on the regular. We all logically know that we’re alive and that someday we’ll die, but part of us also believes in immortality. It can’t happen to us. It can’t happen to our loved ones. Not now anyway.
Every single year, the third Monday in January is a day to honor Martin Luther King, Jr. and his legacy. Most often, I hear people talk about how excited they are to have this day off work or school. While you can’t hate on that, the day is actually the only federal holiday designated as a national day of service. This means that the MLK Day of Service is intended to be a "day on, not a day off." According to the Corporation for National & Community Service, the day is meant to “empower individuals, strengthen communities, bridge barriers, create solutions to social problems, and move us closer to Dr. King's vision of a ‘Beloved Community.’”
We often think of mindfulness as only focusing on exactly what’s happening in the present moment. However, the definition that’s used in mindfulness research is “the self-regulation of attention with an attitude of curiosity, openness, and acceptance.” This is helpful because at times it’s necessary for our attention to be focused on the past and/or preparing for the future. If we never reflect on our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and experiences, we’d never learn from them. And if we never thought about our hopes, dreams, and plans for the future we’d have nothing to live for.
Last week I talked more about what acceptance actually is. Which is all great and dandy. But how the heck do we do it?
There was a point in my life, before I became an acceptance master. Who am I kidding?! I’m a hard core work in progress on this one.
But there was a point when I didn’t understand this concept in the slightest. So what did I do? What any modern day human does; I googled “how to accept things.” And every other form of that phrase I could think of. I’m nothing if not thorough in my research. But it didn’t help at all. Google failed me! I was no closer to knowing how to accept anything.
So as I washed this laundry - by hand- I felt a little more free with every clean item. And with that freedom came thoughts and inspiration. I thought about how physical dirty laundry is a metaphor for mental and emotional dirty laundry. The thoughts, beliefs, emotions, regrets, resentment, fears that we carry around in the backs of our minds at all times, not dealing with them, not cleaning them out.
Acceptance has been on my mind more than usual lately as I’ve struggled to accept certain things in my life and the world as a whole. I’ve also noticed people around me and society as a whole struggle to accept what is. Through these observations, I realized that even though I’ve mentioned acceptance in many of my writings, I’ve never actually defined it or gone into much depth as to what I mean when I say acceptance.
Listening seems like it should be the easiest thing to do. If we’re lucky enough to have our hearing intact, we take sounds in all day long, whether we want to or not. Isn’t that listening?
Not exactly. That’s hearing. Aka perceiving sound. Listening is paying attention to what is heard. Much more difficult.
