Being mindful of others doesn’t mean putting up with poor behavior.
Something I didn’t address in my mindfulness of others post is how to be mindful when someone is being a real a-hole.
Now I know we’ve all had those moments.
When people aren’t willing to be mindful of us.
They aren’t really listening to us, no matter how much they say they are. They’re yelling, calling us names, or acting even worse. I mean, people are abused on a daily basis. Both individuals and whole groups of people are treated poorly, discriminated against, hurt, and killed, all because of being different and the insecurities of those causing the harm.
“We all deserve respect and balance in our relationships and all interactions.”
I want to be VERY clear that being mindful of others DOES NOT mean putting up with people hurting us or hurting anyone else. We do not have to nor should we tolerate mindless and harmful behavior.
Being mindful of others involves more than listening and being fully present for them. It also means being fully present for ourselves. We’re mindful in order to get a clear understanding of what’s going on so that we can make conscious decisions as to how to act going forward.
That might mean setting some boundaries. We might have to tell someone what we think and how we feel about something they’ve said. We might have to ask them to stop doing something or treat us a certain way. We might have to end the conversation, walk away until the other person can be more respectful, maybe even cut off contact altogether.
Setting boundaries is a part of being mindful of others.
If someone is being disrespectful or abusive toward us in ANY way, the most mindful thing we can do is to take care of ourselves first.
It’s important that we advocate for our rights and for others’ rights. Even if we aren’t directly involved. Even if someone’s rights are being violated somewhere across the world and it doesn’t seem like it affects us, it ultimately, does hurt us all.
Looking at recent events, mindfulness of others might mean not engaging in certain conversations with certain people if they’re unwilling to look at our point of view or facts or engage in a kind, calm, and compassionate manner. It might mean not engaging with them at all ever again because of their toxicity. It might mean marching, writing elected officials, becoming an elected official, sharing messages of love and togetherness, rather than spreading rumors. (And alternative facts are rumors folks!)
“I want to be VERY clear that being mindful of others DOES NOT mean putting up with people hurting us or hurting anyone else.”
It means asking loved ones who’ve been on the receiving end of mindless hate how they’re doing, what they need from you, and how you can help. It means banding together to come up with solutions to social problems and taking action on them.
We all deserve respect and balance in our relationships and all interactions. If we aren’t receiving that, we need to protect ourselves and not engage until that person or people can respect us and engage in a healthy way.
We also want to make sure that we don’t get caught up in their anger, their insecurity, and their hate, because as soon as we become mindless we’ve made the situation worse. When we act mindlessly we might do things we regret or cause more harm to us or to those we’re trying to help and protect.
Sometimes the most mindful thing we can do is walk away.
Mindfulness, even in the face of extreme circumstances and poor treatment, always leads to the best outcome for us.
By no means is this easy. It’s much easier to match someone’s poor attitude than to rise above and be the bigger person.
I’ve gotten into my fair share of yelling matches. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had the thought, “Why do I have to be the bigger person?! Just because I know better?!”
And the answer is, yes.
Because stooping down to their level never truly makes anything better. No one’s listening to me if I’m yelling. Nothing gets accomplished. Nothing changes. It’s literally only through awareness and choosing a response that’s more helpful that real change occurs.
So when someone’s being a massive jerk face, at the very least, stop, take a deep breath and think, “How can I handle this in the best way possible?” And don’t get caught up in having to have all the answers. Just take that next best action and the rest will come.