Giving is a funny thing. On one hand, it's a highly prosocial behavior that brings both the receiver and the giver the warm fuzzies. Biologically speaking, these feelings are designed to help us form deeper connections and strengthen bonds within our communities.
Why We Have Emotions
How to Deal With a Jerk
Something I didn’t address in my mindfulness of others post is how to be mindful when someone is being a real a-hole.
Now I know we’ve all had those moments.
When people aren’t willing to be mindful of us.
How to Be Mindful of Others
If we want healthy relationships with people, we have to practice mindfulness in our interactions with them, just as we would in all other areas of life. Deep down, we all just want to be loved and understood, and being mindful of others is how we’re able to both give and receive that love and understanding.
On How to Be the Change We Want to See
I had a whole other post to share. But it’s been quite a week. After quite a week. After quite a month. After quite a year. After quite a lifetime for some people. The other post, on the illusion of control, I’ll get to at some point, but I don’t want acceptance to be confused with not taking action to right a wrong.
On Things to Talk About Other Than the Coronavirus
On Service to Others
Every single year, the third Monday in January is a day to honor Martin Luther King, Jr. and his legacy. Most often, I hear people talk about how excited they are to have this day off work or school. While you can’t hate on that, the day is actually the only federal holiday designated as a national day of service. This means that the MLK Day of Service is intended to be a "day on, not a day off." According to the Corporation for National & Community Service, the day is meant to “empower individuals, strengthen communities, bridge barriers, create solutions to social problems, and move us closer to Dr. King's vision of a ‘Beloved Community.’”
On Hygge: The Winter 2019 Edition
I know it’s technically still autumn and here on the southern California coast, autumn is about as winter as we get, but I can’t help myself. I’ve been winter hyggeing hard since Thanksgiving. I’m also one of those people who refuses to recognize the winter holidays until the day after Thanksgiving (No hating on those who jump right in after Halloween. Whatever makes you happy.) so once that day hits I get my holiday on. And this year I’ve really upped my winter and holiday enjoyment. It’s been one heck of a year and I’m desperately needing the self-care. So here’s what I’ve been up to in hopes it inspires some cozy and joyous good times for you as well.
Mindful Monday: Listening to Others
Listening seems like it should be the easiest thing to do. If we’re lucky enough to have our hearing intact, we take sounds in all day long, whether we want to or not. Isn’t that listening?
Not exactly. That’s hearing. Aka perceiving sound. Listening is paying attention to what is heard. Much more difficult.
Mindful Monday: Mindfulness of Emotions
I’ve been feeling some things the last day or so. By things, I mean emotions. More uncomfortable emotions than I’d care to feel. There’s some good ol’ sadness, anger, and resentment mixed in with a bit of fear and regret. I’d rather not feel this way so there’s been some resistance to feeling them. Which is never helpful. But alas I’m as human as the next person, no matter how much I try to fight it.
On Disconnecting to Reconnect
Last weekend I went camping. Out to the middle of nowhere. Which meant no cellular service or Internet access.
Oh it was glorious!
Now, obviously, I’m big on connection. Connection to others. Connection to our inner self. Connection to something greater. Connection is absolutely necessary for fulfillment in life. Huge fan here.
On The Sounds of Silence
Or the miracle of quiet.
Growing up, I just had to live in New York City. I’d never been and I can’t remember how or when I came up with this idea. All I knew was it certainly wasn’t happening in the village of Greenbush, Michigan, whatever “it” was. NYC was where I’d make my mark. I came nowhere close to convincing my parents that this was a good idea and spent the entirety of my childhood in the sleepy little beach side village (Legit village. Not tiny city or town or whatever else you can call a place where people live together.).
Authenticity vs. Oversharing
We exist in a time where oversharing is the hot thing to do. Social media, the Internet as a whole, reality television. There are a billion opportunities to glimpse everyone’s every thought or hourly selfie. It makes me uncomfortable. Not because I’m against some good old fashioned sharing, but I think this oversharing is often cloaked as authenticity.
Don't Confuse Drama for Passion
Do the Right Thing
I try to keep it light (ish) here because therapy-stuff can be quite heavy at times and I don’t believe all healing and growth has to be so serious and weighty. But this is a day where I can’t do that. I started and stopped writing a number of other posts because they just didn’t seem right.
Societally, the division keeps growing and growing. Loneliness seems more common than deep connection. There’s very little actual listening going on. A lot of people don’t feel heard, understood, and supported. The powers that be or want to be need to make an effort to do this. Not just alienate those who don’t agree with them for a supposed win. You aren’t winning. No one’s winning.