By Amanda Stemen, MS, LCSW
I’m not naturally a homebody. While I do enjoy homey things like reading, writing, and baking, I also thrive off of travel, adventure, and human interactions. I had big plans for this year, as I’m sure everyone else did too, so the disappointment has certainly been real. But at the same time sheltering at home hasn’t been as difficult as I imagined it would be. I think it’s because I’ve been doing these things:
I trained for it.
What?! How do you train for a pandemic? Did you know it was coming?!
Okay, let’s not get carried away. I didn’t train for it intentionally.
““It could always be worse” is a funny motto to make you feel better, but it works.”
But I spent a lot more time at home in 2019. I was burnt out on socializing and traffic. I really soaked up that time. And learned to love it as much as I did being out and about. I found my balance.
Of course, this pandemic hasn’t had that same balance and at times, I’m so over being a homebody. But thanks to that and growing up in the middle of nowhere, I can easily entertain myself for the rest of my life. This has left me naturally better prepared than most.
I gained a new perspective.
Pizza, wine, and board games can go a long way!
Right when we were starting to realize the severity of COVID-19, I coincidentally started reading “The Nightingale,” a fictional account of Andrée de Jongh, a Belgian woman who helped aviators and others escape France during the occupation of World War II. Absolutely heartbreaking. But also exactly the perspective I needed at this time.
We could have it a helluva lot worse!
So I’ll gladly stay at home and follow some rules I’m not entirely stoked on to preserve safety and wellness for all. At least I have food and shelter and no one’s trying to bomb or shoot up my loved ones.
I shifted my attitude.
Whenever I feel too sorry for myself, I check myself.
We’re all in this same storm. All of us are putting our lives on hold in some way. All of us are missing loved ones, travel, experiences, work, etc.
And I have it so much better than many others. I’m very lucky to have resources at this moment. Many don’t. “It could always be worse” is a funny motto to make you feel better, but it works.
I got creative.
I gather with friends and family over video chat. I know that’s commonplace now, but I started doing that immediately and it’s helped me feel more connected during this time. We chat, share our hopes and fears, play games (Trivia and Yahtzee have worked out best so far.). Far away loved ones and I marveled that we hadn’t done more of this even before!
I’m expanding my business. In ways that have felt very uncomfortable and have taken longer than I’ve wanted them too, but thinking outside of the box has given me purpose. And plenty to do.
Paints and pastels.
After a full year of baking my own bread, I’ve finally accomplished that sourdough bread goal. It’s not as difficult as I was led to believe, but the time it takes, whew! And when the experts’ advice didn’t pan out, I invented my own way of doing it (Maybe. I haven’t actually researched that, but whatever I did fixed it.).
And I’ve been writing, collaging, painting, dancing, kinda gardening, and other artistic outlets. Not even as much as I’d like, but it’s something.
I set goals.
Some I mentioned above.
I’m someone who needs something to work toward. Direction and purpose provide a lot to my well-being. Really we all need that. But when everything’s changed almost overnight, reexamining and altering my goals has been extremely helpful in creating new purpose.
“There’s no right way to handle uncertainty, confusion, frustration, and fear. ”
Aside from work and baking goals, I’ve also set some new goals around some of my creative side projects. And since I don’t know when I’ll be able to travel or compete in any races, I decided to tackle hiking all of the 10,000+ peaks in southern California to challenge myself both physically and mentally.
I throw my temper tantrums.
This isn’t to say I don’t have my moments. I feel sorry for myself. More than I wish I would. I feel sad, anxious, angry. I throw adult temper tantrums (Usually silent in my head so as not to disturb anyone else, but there have been some moments of ugly crying and yelling too.). I let it all out. And then I move on. Until the next one.
I create mini retreats.
To recover from the tantrums.
I took an extra long retreat from writing these because I didn’t feel inspired. I meditate (almost) daily. I take baths. I read. I get into nature. I do yoga, run, hike, and surf (When and where it’s deemed safe.). I’ve contemplated designing an actual day long retreat in my home, but haven’t yet pulled the trigger.
There’s no right way to handle uncertainty, confusion, frustration, and fear. We’re all doing the best we can (Even those who are choosing to ignore the facts and expert opinions.). But we do need to handle it. So we don’t get stuck or make things worse for ourselves or others. These are just some of the ways I’m coping. How are you all coping?